Lately.
My kids have been getting really grown up.
I've really missed my Mom.
I haven't had carbs.
Mark has made delicious black bean and cilantro pork chops.
I've been reading a lot.
My boys have decided to grow their hair out. (Which REALLY bothers my ocd)
My job is inspiring me.
I've been trying to understand my husband more.
I've been packing healthy lunches for my kids.
I've colored my hair red. Bright red.
The bills keep piling up.
I get 'I love you' texts from my best friends that keep me going.
We went to the Marine Corps Ball, and it reminded me not to take a minute with Mark for granted. Seeing the widows and hearing the names of lives lost in a never-ending war. I'm living in the little moments. Or at least trying.
That's all for now.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Staff Sergeant Javier Ortiz-Rivera called his boys his little Marines. He loved playing with them and teaching them how to salute and stand tall. The youngsters used those lessons to bid their father farewell. Wearing tiny Marine uniforms made especially for them, they saluted their father as he was laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery.
THIS WAR needs to be over NOW.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
I can count my never-leave-my-side friends on one hand.
Tonight while I was discussing friendships, I thought back over the past few years and I have been blessed with many, many great relationships. Some have changed the course of my life. Some have grabbed my hand and have never let go.
I don't know why some friends don't stand the test of time. Life changes people, life changes how much we can attach ourselves to someone. I miss those friendships, but I know with no doubt, that they came into my life for a reason. I was thinking what each friend taught me, and it's pretty amazing how important friends are.
I first learned what friendship was with Laura and Lindsay.
I experienced an innocent childhood with Amanda, Stephanie, Marshall, Deric and Lucas.
I learned through Danika to let my hair down.
I learned through Ali an artistic way of thinking..to not see black and white.
I learned through Kara V. to put myself out there, and to just have fun.
I learned through Nikki that friends come back.
I learned through Sam R. how to be honest in life.
I learned through Amy that I'm stronger than I thought I was.
I learned through Kara P. that life is dark sometimes, but we always find light.
I learned through Staci to be a free thinker.
I'm learning through Akin's that friends become family.
I learned through Jessica to not always filter what I say; some people need bluntness.
I learned through Nicole that no matter what life throws at you, to smile.
I learned through Kristen that a friend never EVER judges. They listen.
I learned through Melinda faith and loyalty.
I learned from Mary Jo how to be more easy going.
I learned through Terri how to have to say goodbye, but not forever.
I learned through Alissa that it's okay to be exactly who I am.
"I am a part of all I have met." (Tennyson)
These friends (and more that aren't listed) are with me every single day. They shaped my thinking, my reactions and my heart. The friends who I fell out of contact with, or are Facebook "friends" I keep up with, and even though we don't talk on a daily basis, they don't leave my mind. They are little parts of me.
The friends I can count on one hand that I know will never leave, well, they are different. These friends are my core. These friends will take my 3 a.m. call to let me vent. These friends will tell me when I'm being absolutely stupid. They send random texts, sometimes just one word and I know exactly what it means. They call me out on my mistakes. They lift me higher than the moon for my accomplishments. These friends will take the peaks and valleys of friendship with stride. These friends can go weeks or months without talking and when they call, it's perfect. These girls are my sisters. They are spread out all across the country, but if I really needed them they wouldn't hesitate to be here. I am abundantly blessed with amazing ladies in my life. I pray they never leave.
Tonight while I was discussing friendships, I thought back over the past few years and I have been blessed with many, many great relationships. Some have changed the course of my life. Some have grabbed my hand and have never let go.
I don't know why some friends don't stand the test of time. Life changes people, life changes how much we can attach ourselves to someone. I miss those friendships, but I know with no doubt, that they came into my life for a reason. I was thinking what each friend taught me, and it's pretty amazing how important friends are.
I first learned what friendship was with Laura and Lindsay.
I experienced an innocent childhood with Amanda, Stephanie, Marshall, Deric and Lucas.
I learned through Danika to let my hair down.
I learned through Ali an artistic way of thinking..to not see black and white.
I learned through Kara V. to put myself out there, and to just have fun.
I learned through Nikki that friends come back.
I learned through Sam R. how to be honest in life.
I learned through Amy that I'm stronger than I thought I was.
I learned through Kara P. that life is dark sometimes, but we always find light.
I learned through Staci to be a free thinker.
I'm learning through Akin's that friends become family.
I learned through Jessica to not always filter what I say; some people need bluntness.
I learned through Nicole that no matter what life throws at you, to smile.
I learned through Kristen that a friend never EVER judges. They listen.
I learned through Melinda faith and loyalty.
I learned from Mary Jo how to be more easy going.
I learned through Terri how to have to say goodbye, but not forever.
I learned through Alissa that it's okay to be exactly who I am.
"I am a part of all I have met." (Tennyson)
These friends (and more that aren't listed) are with me every single day. They shaped my thinking, my reactions and my heart. The friends who I fell out of contact with, or are Facebook "friends" I keep up with, and even though we don't talk on a daily basis, they don't leave my mind. They are little parts of me.
The friends I can count on one hand that I know will never leave, well, they are different. These friends are my core. These friends will take my 3 a.m. call to let me vent. These friends will tell me when I'm being absolutely stupid. They send random texts, sometimes just one word and I know exactly what it means. They call me out on my mistakes. They lift me higher than the moon for my accomplishments. These friends will take the peaks and valleys of friendship with stride. These friends can go weeks or months without talking and when they call, it's perfect. These girls are my sisters. They are spread out all across the country, but if I really needed them they wouldn't hesitate to be here. I am abundantly blessed with amazing ladies in my life. I pray they never leave.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Listen.Repeat.
And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
TWLOHA
To write love on her arms.
This is a charity I've kept up with for about a year now. It's a charity that works with anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction, mental illness, suicide, and self injury. I think we all know someone who struggles with one or more of those ailments.
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD; not something I like to talk about much, but I'm surrendering to my feelings that it needs to be discussed. I endured a violent robbing at gunpoint about three years ago. For a long time afterwards I felt broken, and then slowly started to push the feelings aside, thinking I could "get over it". Within the past 6 months, the feelings of anxiety have been creeping back so I went to the doctor who did a thorough background evaluation and came to the conclusion that I'm suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At first I laughed, because I'm a pretty happy person, and that is only something that war vets are struggling with. I function quite well day to day, and I rarely have panic attacks. But as we dug deeper she found my triggers- small black cars (similar to the one I was robbed by) make my heart beat faster, and I can never, ever park next to one. If I'm shopping at night, I always have someone escort me to my car. I have stereotyped black males, and if I pass one on the street, I clutch my bag tighter. I circle my car before getting into it, and have been known to look underneath. My heart races when I think about that day, or even now, my palms are sweaty. My doctor told me that once our system has been so traumatically shocked, it psychologically cannot process anxiety the way it did before. I feel awful that I've stereotyped and she assured me that may never go away. My anxiety is something that I will have to manage from now on.
I'm not telling my story for pity. I'm telling my story because it's just that. My story. When we hear someone is on medication or struggling with depression, attempts suicide, or even commits suicide, there are so many stigmas attached. Maybe we think they are weak. Maybe we think that they had a bad childhood. Maybe we think they cling to addiction to numb the pain. Maybe we don't know their story. My entire purpose of sharing my story is to make people think twice before judging someone. TWLOHA is an organization that helps with recovery and treatment. Next time we hear of someone struggling, maybe you will think of my story and offer compassion instead of judgement.
This is a charity I've kept up with for about a year now. It's a charity that works with anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction, mental illness, suicide, and self injury. I think we all know someone who struggles with one or more of those ailments.
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD; not something I like to talk about much, but I'm surrendering to my feelings that it needs to be discussed. I endured a violent robbing at gunpoint about three years ago. For a long time afterwards I felt broken, and then slowly started to push the feelings aside, thinking I could "get over it". Within the past 6 months, the feelings of anxiety have been creeping back so I went to the doctor who did a thorough background evaluation and came to the conclusion that I'm suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At first I laughed, because I'm a pretty happy person, and that is only something that war vets are struggling with. I function quite well day to day, and I rarely have panic attacks. But as we dug deeper she found my triggers- small black cars (similar to the one I was robbed by) make my heart beat faster, and I can never, ever park next to one. If I'm shopping at night, I always have someone escort me to my car. I have stereotyped black males, and if I pass one on the street, I clutch my bag tighter. I circle my car before getting into it, and have been known to look underneath. My heart races when I think about that day, or even now, my palms are sweaty. My doctor told me that once our system has been so traumatically shocked, it psychologically cannot process anxiety the way it did before. I feel awful that I've stereotyped and she assured me that may never go away. My anxiety is something that I will have to manage from now on.
I'm not telling my story for pity. I'm telling my story because it's just that. My story. When we hear someone is on medication or struggling with depression, attempts suicide, or even commits suicide, there are so many stigmas attached. Maybe we think they are weak. Maybe we think that they had a bad childhood. Maybe we think they cling to addiction to numb the pain. Maybe we don't know their story. My entire purpose of sharing my story is to make people think twice before judging someone. TWLOHA is an organization that helps with recovery and treatment. Next time we hear of someone struggling, maybe you will think of my story and offer compassion instead of judgement.
Monday, October 10, 2011
So it's been awhile since I even logged into Blogger...so much has happened since my last post..I think in April?
Mark went to school, we went on a honeymoon, we moved..yada yada.
Fast forward to now.
Everyone is happy...the kids are in a new school and they are loving it. Max started full day/all day preschool and was weary at first, but is getting the hang of it.
Mark is loving his new-found responsibility as an Officer...it comes with stress, but we are working out those kinks too.
AND! I started working, which I kind of think is a big deal. I have stayed at home for the past 10 (ahem looong) years taking care of my babes, which I wouldn't trade for the world. However, in those 10 years I lost myself. I feel like I lost my "spark" and I lost what drives me, what makes me happy. Taking care of my family is my absolute favorite thing to do...but now it's my time to do me. A new chapter that is really fun to open.
I'm really really excited to have found a salon that lets me do just that. I set my hours for when the kids are in school and I work every other weekend. My passion is hair...My drive is to socialize and to make people feel good. Without taking kids potty, or worrying about filling cups, or washing dishes. I've done that all day every day...I'm done with that. It may be selfish sounding...but my kids know that they are my world.
So now my days consist of taking kids to school, tanning, going for a run and then getting all dolled up and going to my job. My job. I like those words.
Mark went to school, we went on a honeymoon, we moved..yada yada.
Fast forward to now.
Everyone is happy...the kids are in a new school and they are loving it. Max started full day/all day preschool and was weary at first, but is getting the hang of it.
Mark is loving his new-found responsibility as an Officer...it comes with stress, but we are working out those kinks too.
AND! I started working, which I kind of think is a big deal. I have stayed at home for the past 10 (ahem looong) years taking care of my babes, which I wouldn't trade for the world. However, in those 10 years I lost myself. I feel like I lost my "spark" and I lost what drives me, what makes me happy. Taking care of my family is my absolute favorite thing to do...but now it's my time to do me. A new chapter that is really fun to open.
I'm really really excited to have found a salon that lets me do just that. I set my hours for when the kids are in school and I work every other weekend. My passion is hair...My drive is to socialize and to make people feel good. Without taking kids potty, or worrying about filling cups, or washing dishes. I've done that all day every day...I'm done with that. It may be selfish sounding...but my kids know that they are my world.
So now my days consist of taking kids to school, tanning, going for a run and then getting all dolled up and going to my job. My job. I like those words.
Friday, April 8, 2011
My life in pictures lately...
My life consisits of running, defeating Mario, organizing, finding Superheros, makeup, Kindle, sparkly shoes and coffee...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
W.O. =)
Mark was promoted to a Warrant Officer on Feb. 1st.
It seems not long ago we were struggling with his Private salary...I couldnt be more proud of the man he has become.
2004
2004
2006 (preggo with Max)
2007
2008
W.O. promotion 2011
I'm trying....
to really slow down. I have been making a conscious effort to surround myself with people who make me better. I've been spending time with friends who lift me up. It's rare in this world to find real people...people who don't have hidden agendas. I want nothing more for my kids than to teach them how to be authentic. I'm finding joy in the little things, like laughter over a glass of wine with a friend, or reading Huck Finn to my kids at night. The past 9 years have flown by and I want to enjoy every moment I have now.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The door.
When we travel home for Christmas, we spend some evenings in my Dad's garage. One year, I decided to write a note to my parents on the door. Well, it's become a tradition, and I continue to sign and date when I go home. I snapped a pic last month when we were home.
Friday, January 7, 2011
I resolve....
To be more patient
To live in "the now"
To spend less time with my gadgets
To kiss the kids every day
To not be so worried
To fail, but keep trying
To let my actions speak loud
To read more classics
To do more laundry
To make better choices regarding my health
To buy more purses and shoes
To write a letter to Mark every day
To listen to loud music
To call my Grandmother
To realize money is nothing
To make dinner
To complain less
To strive harder
To let go
To live in "the now"
To spend less time with my gadgets
To kiss the kids every day
To not be so worried
To fail, but keep trying
To let my actions speak loud
To read more classics
To do more laundry
To make better choices regarding my health
To buy more purses and shoes
To write a letter to Mark every day
To listen to loud music
To call my Grandmother
To realize money is nothing
To make dinner
To complain less
To strive harder
To let go
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
hands of time......
While home I took an opportunity to snap a fantastic picture. This is my Grandmother, my Mother, myself, and Adelle. I love staring at all the differences. It's a gradual process of time.
starting 2011 off with a BANG.
Well, we had a very nice visit in Kansas for Christmas. We saw soooo many relatives during our time there...we ran around constantly. We opened gifts, ate delicious food, saw cousins, made cookies with Grandma, played train, played with Cole, and had s'mores in Papa's garage.
Now lets get to the part where Mark drops f-bombs and I snap.
Our trip to Kansas is about 20 hours. We usually do 10 the first day and 10 the second. During the first day of the trip home, Max got sick right out of the gate. Puking and crying every 10 minutes...we considered turning around, but we kept moving. He puked, we'd pull over and hose him off, throw his clothes in the "vomit" bag, and started driving again. We did this I think 6 times. Finally, it passes and he falls into a coma of sleep for 4 hrs.
He did wake one time when we were in standstill traffic having to poop- and THIS Mom-of-the-year HOLDS THE PLASTIC BAG for him to do so. Now our hot car is trapping in the vomit and poop smell. *good times*
About halfway through the first day, my fancy new car starts beeping, chiming, telling me to "PULL OVER!" Mark is asleep..and nothing is smoking..so I keep driving. Then the little tire pressure monitor starts going down...29 psi, 19, 14, 10....I yell to Mark and he yells to pull over. FLAT TIRE. We are on 70 Highway in Christmas traffic, and it's the tire on the road side. I'm so scared he is going to be hit by a car...but just a little bit more nervous something will happen to my pretty rims. (shhhhh.) He got the spare on...and we tracked down a redneck garage which had about 20 cats and smelled of cigars- oh it had no bathroom either. We spent 4 lovely hours there....Mark had an allergy attack (cats?) and sneezed the whole time we were there. We finally got on the road again...and not too long after decided to get a hotel and sleep. I snapped a couple of pics of the kids....this pretty much sums it up.
Now lets get to the part where Mark drops f-bombs and I snap.
Our trip to Kansas is about 20 hours. We usually do 10 the first day and 10 the second. During the first day of the trip home, Max got sick right out of the gate. Puking and crying every 10 minutes...we considered turning around, but we kept moving. He puked, we'd pull over and hose him off, throw his clothes in the "vomit" bag, and started driving again. We did this I think 6 times. Finally, it passes and he falls into a coma of sleep for 4 hrs.
He did wake one time when we were in standstill traffic having to poop- and THIS Mom-of-the-year HOLDS THE PLASTIC BAG for him to do so. Now our hot car is trapping in the vomit and poop smell. *good times*
About halfway through the first day, my fancy new car starts beeping, chiming, telling me to "PULL OVER!" Mark is asleep..and nothing is smoking..so I keep driving. Then the little tire pressure monitor starts going down...29 psi, 19, 14, 10....I yell to Mark and he yells to pull over. FLAT TIRE. We are on 70 Highway in Christmas traffic, and it's the tire on the road side. I'm so scared he is going to be hit by a car...but just a little bit more nervous something will happen to my pretty rims. (shhhhh.) He got the spare on...and we tracked down a redneck garage which had about 20 cats and smelled of cigars- oh it had no bathroom either. We spent 4 lovely hours there....Mark had an allergy attack (cats?) and sneezed the whole time we were there. We finally got on the road again...and not too long after decided to get a hotel and sleep. I snapped a couple of pics of the kids....this pretty much sums it up.
Day 2 to Ks went much better...I think we were riding the almost-to-KS wave of excitement.
THE WAY HOME. (dun dun dun..) This is the fun part!
Day one of the way home was okay....it was long...but okay. We were all exhausted, tired of being in the car, sick of eating fast food. We just wanted to be home. Toward the end of day one the kids start going down hill fast. Fighting....yelling...and no amount of handheld games, MP3 players or DVD player will soothe them. It's whining and saying "I'm hungry" 1000 million times.
We stop for the night. We get up to our nice room, and that's when it starts. Everyone shuts down at once. The kids are hyper because they had a couple hours of sleep in the car, and Mark and I are beyond EXHAUSTED. Each child is making some sort of noise...or griping. Mark says some curse words when they are jumping on the beds...I leave. I had to GET OUT. I went to my car and got a couple hours of quiet. And then I feel guilty for not being one of "those" Moms who LOVE being around their kids. The next morning we all get up and have breakfast silently because everyone is still upset. We just want to BE HOME.
Day two home wasn't good. Everyone pretty much cried for 10 hours. Max cried the last hour straight because he wanted out of his car seat. Mark and I were VERY grumpy. My Ipod was dead so I couldn't even tune everything out. We FINALLY made it home...and I cried with joy when I layed in my own bed.
NEVER again.
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